Chances are if you’re here, you feel that you are constantly living a life that gears towards making others happy before making yourself happy. You say yes to events or hangout sessions when you are really not up for it, you volunteer for everything as soon as you are asked, you agree with others even if your real opinion differs, you apologize when you don’t need to, and you like to avoid conflict by all means necessary.
So, People-Pleaser, how do we start to deter you from this mindset?
As Tom Ferris would say…If it’s not a “Hell Yes” then it’s a “No”
Your yeses are special, so start treating them as such. Like everyone, you only have so many hours in the day, so if any event or going-out opportunity doesn’t make you think “Hell Yes” then you should probably be saying no, so that you have room for things that you really want to be doing. This doesn’t make you selfish. In fact, it helps people know that when you do say yes, it’s because you really want to do it, and not because you feel forced.
The over-used apology devalues your opinions
Are you actually sorry or are you apologizing because you think if you don’t someone will be angry with you or not like you? Apologies are meant for when you did something wrong, not when you’re scared to have your own opinion. As any human, you are within your bounds to disagree with someone’s take on…well anything. If you are stating an opinion, you have no reason to apologize. The more you apologize, the less people think you can form your own opinions.
Set your own expectations
People-pleasers often derail from their own agendas because they haven’t made them important enough. When you decide that your time/schedule is just as important as someone else’s then you start to realize you can’t be dropping the ball on yourself to fulfill someone else’s calendar. Do whatever you have to do to actualize this. Write it down, even.
Create your own opportunities
Sometimes, we become people-pleasers in an attempt to bring in all opportunities. If people don’t like us, they may not hand over a new job or ask you to take part in something. This can be changed if you decide that you are going to start to create your own opportunities. You won’t need to kiss-ass (for lack of a better term) if you don’t need to *wink wink*